When my sister in-law was a waitress in Canada, she was taking drink orders from a group of Americans. They each ordered a glass of red wine. She suggested they choose a LITRE instead. They spoke among themselves and one man put up his hand and said – “I’ll be the leader.”
You Might Also Like
I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called “Losing my Shit” instead
you have three unread messages
[on an interview]
Him: What are your bartending qualifications? *sips coffee*
Me: *slides coaster under his mug as he puts it down*
Him: *spits out coffee* Holy shit
If I don’t stop stress-eating, I will be the elephant in the room.
Scientists say North America is going to sink into the ocean but we can change that.
With a healthy diet and a little bit of exercise.
Me: my point is, if you remove the potatoes from potato salad you aren’t left with salad
Me: so what else are you lying about
God: They will have a powerful immune system
God: ok some will die from eating a peanut
A: Nice, nice
Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn’t like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he’s not a fan.
Take a deep breath.
– Respirational Tweet