Thank God the conventions are over because now we can get back to the real issues: FOOTBALL.
When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she’s talking about vacuuming.
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Directions: Allow food to sit for five minutes before consuming.
I put another shrimp on the barbie and now Ken is all pissed off.
what idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
wife: how many beers is that for you?
I’m trying to envision something more fitting than this election actually ending in a Biden-Trump fist fight and i cannot
[learning how to tie shoes in school]
Jesus: *raising hand* why do we have to learn things some of us will never use in real life
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
she wears short skirts
i do tax fraud
she’s cheer captain and
i’m in jail for tax fraud
5: Daddy, can we go get ice cream?
Me: I don’t see why not.
5: Mommy said I couldn’t.
M: Hey, there’s the why not.