ME: *says entire order in French to impress my date*
CHINESE WAITER: what
When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another. Because kids.
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This guy thinks I’m taking down his number, but I’m really just writing this tweet.
Even with a college education, the first thought that comes to mind when I know something bad is about to happen is “ruh roh.”
Google search history:
-double chin reduction exercises
-double chin plastic surgery cost
-double fudge brownie recipe
Watch me get this baby up to 90 miles per hour!
– inventor of the baby catapult minutes before he was arrested
[GOD CREATING DUCKS]
Give that chicken a kazoo.
Millions of years of evolution have moulded us into a species that struggles to open the wrong ends of garbage bags.
[1st Day working at Hotel California]
Guest: Id like 2 check out
Me: Sure! Youre all set!
G: Thanks! [Leaves]
Boss: Can I see u in my office
Did you survive the titanic based on your zodiac sign
Ok I don’t get it. Kid Rock looks nothing like adult Rock