I don’t wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day.
When our kids were teenagers we moved;
hoping it would help with family strife.
It didn’t work, unfortunately.
They found us.
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Today I watched a meteor shower until it angrily pulled the curtains closed and yelled at me to stop peeping.
Me: Is it because I’m always on this trampoline?
Nice try Halloween, I eat candy in the dark and pretend not to be home every night.
My mother said that I looked “cheap” with my bra showing underneath my clothes – so I took my bra off.
Bread pudding is not a dessert. it is just wet bread. do not fall for this scam. Resist.
The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn’t the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they’re hatching a dastardly plan.
i worry GPS sometimes gives me a slower route so it can clear the good roads for drivers it likes better
Breaking News: Playboy to eliminate nude pictures from their magazine.
“What’s a magazine?” asked every guy under 30.
He has a rotisserie glow about him tonight…