
Writing about 2 dinosaurs who hate crime. They make motorcycles & badges from the meteorite that killed their dino buds. Called TriceraCOPS!
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Writing about 2 dinosaurs who hate crime. They make motorcycles & badges from the meteorite that killed their dino buds. Called TriceraCOPS!
*gets stabbed and looted by mugger*
me: “oh yeah just leave like everyone else does”
*gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*
[knocks on neighbor’s door]
HI CAN I COME TO YOUR YELLING PARTY
*wakes up to wife and son screaming*
me: What are you guys yelling about?
them: YOU’RE DRIVING
Cats love it when you give them a mohawk
Uber driver: ……….
Me: ………..
Uber driver: …………
Me: ………….
Uber driver: ………….
Me: …………….
Uber driver: …………….
Me: ………………
Uber driver: you have arrived
Me: 5 Stars
[standing next to the boss at the urinal]
Ok, don’t act weird.“That’s some impressive bladder volume, sir.”
Maybe you should trust the CDC on how to handle a pandemic over your cousin Matt who is banned from Denny’s for setting off firecrackers.