@DanKCharnley

when she says she wants a “well-balanced man”

You Might Also Like

@trentistweeting

“Hey Iron Man, how’d you get your powers?”
*flashes back to tony stark being bitten by a radioactive ironing board*

@MichaelaOkla

Ladies, have you ever slept with a man because he has a big fish that he caught in his profile picture?

@lizetagge

The closest I’ve been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop…

@3sunzzz

My therapist puts her toilet paper roll on upside down, yet somehow I’m the crazy one?

@JustUnstableMe

Me-Did you know blinking is how cats say I love you?

*blinks profusely at cashier*

Cashier-Your fries, ma’am. Just please take your fries.

@poutinesmoothie

My assistant is eating her pizza with a knife and fork, yet eating her salad with her fingers by picking through and finding the specific vegetable she wants.

@MrGirlDad

I am pleased to report that the spider I felt on my neck that caused me to nearly drop the baby was, in fact, my shirt tag.