@noogscorner: When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as "the eye of the shitstorm."
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@GuttaLikeNoOtha: My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both
@MurphyMcLachlan: Doc I keep throwing up Did u eat anything odd lately No What about that bottle youre holding labelled "lizard juice" You said eat, idiot