“my son, can I ask why you’re carrying two HUGE crucifixes?”
Well father, I’ve been…
*God starts breakdancing*
When somebody unfollows me, I want to go on a shopping spree and walk into their house while holding bags and say, “Big mistake. Big. Huge!”
You Might Also Like
I smile whenever I say “cheese” regardless of whether or not my picture is being taken
So where do I put the banana if I am not happy to see you?
BREAKING NEWS: Local prosthetics store hit by unarmed robbers.
If you would have told me 20 years ago that I’d be posting stupid jokes on the internet, I would have said what’s an internet.
When someone’s ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes.
We’ll see how busy you are tomorrow.
DATE: Do you like sports?
ME: *nervously* Sure.
DATE: What’s your favorite sport?
ME: *panicking* Panicking.
Guy: *slides into my DMs* hi
Me: *opens back door so he slides straight back out* bye
I know I’m being such a grammar Nazi, but it’s “Jew-rats make me NAUSEATED,” not “Jew-rats make me NAUSEOUS”