@psinerd

When someone asks me if I could hold their baby I immediately drop my phone, try to pick it up and drop it again twice, and then say “Sure”.

You Might Also Like

@UnFitz

Men are from Mars, women are from a planet that probably smells nicer than Mars.

@boring_as_heck

I’ll take “That’s Not A Category” for $200, Alex.
“That’s not a category.”
Yes, that’s right.
“That’s not a category.”
I chose that, yes.

@junejuly12

Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song

@c_always_wright

high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”

@KevinFarzad

This man recorded his son every day for a decade. The footage is breathtaking and takes 10 years to watch.

@Kids_kubed

Find someone who will worry about you like the way my Amazon delivery guy does when I don’t order anything in more than two days

@ibid78

*interrupts your baby’s first words*
“IF A PANDA WEARS A HANDKERCHIEF IT’S CALLED A PANDANA.”