@ericsshadow: When someone in their 20's talks about "old people" they're talking about us.
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@chuuew: Cop: Admit it! You killed that family Murderer: You can't prove anything... Cop: You know, you're actually called "Murderer" in this thing
@MelvinofYork: The lady from HR challenged me to name one of my boss's good qualities and the best I could come up with is "he's biodegradable"
@CaniacMONK: My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
@AndrewNadeau0: RIVERS WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES & ALL WHO PLOTTED AGAINST ME WILL KNOW A FEAR-oh never mind my keys were in my other pocket