Niggas Dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just Hold up Their Phones over the Plate , snap a Pic , & Post it on Instagram
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
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The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it “Contains Peanuts” makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Brad Pitt: Doc, did you ever see my movie “Seven” with me and Morgurt Freeman?
Doctor: I think you mean Morgan
Brad: Sorry, Morgurt Morgan
I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
My senior Quote
God: And then let’s send in murder hornets
Angel: Wait, murder hornets? So they can’t go outside?
God: Not a big deal, they’re all quarantined because of Coronavirus
Angel: What if they end up allowed to go back outside?
God: Did you not just hear about the murder hornets?
I accidentally texted my husband “last dinner” instead of “late dinner” and now he won’t come home
The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth.
This COVID shit lasting like a Honda Civic
“I’ve built a model of Mount Everest”
“Is that to scale?”
“No, just to look at”