@Ygrene
@TheSharona06
My Fitbit was delivered today. It’s still sitting in the mailbox because I don’t want to walk all the way out there.
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@TheSharona06
@NiceLittleWife
When I go to Victoria’s Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they’ll really look.
@AmberDonn
Pretty unfair how gargoyles just monopolized rooftop perches.
@tigersgoroooar
not to get all political on here but i’m pretty sure strawberry and blueberry pop-tarts taste exactly the same.
@robdelaney
Michael Jackson would be 54 today if he hadn’t hired such a gifted nap specialist.
@CantWaitToNap
Spielberg’s movie “Catch Me If You Can” but it’s just me making up jobs I have so I don’t need to volunteer at school.
@Iwriteforcats
Shamrocks are the most dishonest of all the rocks.
@mom_tho
6: Is google a number? My friend told me it was
Me: No buddy, it’s not, your friend doesn’t know anything
Husband: Actually, googol IS a number so who’s the one who doesn’t know any-
Me:
H: Your mom is very smart
@hunz74
A scientist said that fish will evolve into “flish” & will be able to fly. Now I can’t stop thinking about “flarks, flhales & flea horses.”
@avainwordland
I’m sorry I seasoned you while you were taking a nap.