
ME: Ok, that’s everything in the dishwasher
*closes dishwasher door*
*turns it on*
*turns around*TEASPOON: You’re not gonna believe this
ME: Ok, that’s everything in the dishwasher
*closes dishwasher door*
*turns it on*
*turns around*TEASPOON: You’re not gonna believe this
911, what’s your emergency?
What do you mean you’ve been stabbed?
People can’t do that, that’s illegal.
I put the ‘extra vag’ in extravaganza
hey boy 😉 is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register
Roasting nuts. Who’s next?
The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.
I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.
Some of you need to review your settings or medication…
I’m not sure which but it’s definitely showing.
My husband and I both have colds but only his is really really bad.
I just sighed so hard, I won’t have to dust for 6 months.