@VerbsRProudest: When someone tries to shush me by handing me a donut, I feel so conflicted.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SamGrittner: The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana.
@DrakeGatsby: me: i really messed up this time. we’re in deep with the cartel. my wife: how much money do you owe pampered chef this time?
@reczit: I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement.