@lnbshr

When Squidward lost his job and had to stay with Spongebob and he tried to tell Spongebob the TV didn’t work n Spongebob said THAT’S TWO THINGS THAT DON’T WORK 😭😭😭😭

You Might Also Like

@bornmiserable

“I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you and – oh sorry, wrong number.” – Liam Neeson in Mistaken

@tiffstevenson

Louis CK releasing a special when no one can leave the room feels pretty on brand TBH

@h0tmessmama

I sexually identify as an avocado.

Not in the mood.
Not in the mood.
Not in the mood.
Oh yes tonight is the nigh-
Too late, I’m over it.

@mrjohndarby

doctor: im afraid we’re going to have to amputate a leg

flamingo: i’ll manage

spider: same

snake: i have a question

@Reverend_Scott

DAD: Your mother and I love you very much, and I’m not sure how to tell you this, but… you’re adopted.

DOG: OMG THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE

@RocketRankoon

Have I ever steered you wrong?
*flashback to you at zoo in bear suit
Me: They wont attack if ur dressed like one of them, now go get my ball

@rdthought

Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day.
Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy.

@_steamy_mac

Life status: stealing toilet paper from a used car dealership where I’m pretending I’m gonna buy a car just so I can steal toilet paper.

@MomofTeen

Gravy boat.
Gravy boat.
All the dishes are on my son’s bedroom floor so I’m drinking coffee from a GRAVY BOAT!

@T_N_Crumpets

Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was?
[flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills]
Me: Easily 10