Day 218 of making fun of CrossFit.
When the sun explodes you will have eight minutes before the world ends. In a related story, you might want to order dessert now.
You Might Also Like
The sculpture of Amelia Earhart in the Burbank airport doesn’t give me that warm fuzzy feeling before flying.
[me giving a tour of pillow factory]
guy: “what do you fill the pillows with?”
me: [spotting a family of ducks in tour group] “just stuff”
[a loud action sequence gets suddenly quiet and all you can hear in the theatre is me talking to the guy next to me] sell me your popcorn
Will I understand The Matrix if I haven’t seen The Matrviii? Will I understand sex if I’ve never had seix?
Acquaintances: “So what have you been up to?”
What I hear: “Please explain yourself, we’re trying to figure you out.”
KFC hitting the cannibal market
so no one told you life was gonna be this way
*bends over to pick a four leaf clover but gets struck by a falling ACME safe before doing so*
My husband asked me to put him to sleep with a happy ending…
*reads a book “and they lived happily ever after”
Mmmm yeah, you like that?