@weinerdog4life: When there were a lot footprints in the sand, that was a bunch of jesus's chasing you
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@WigCannon: before stairs there'd be someone on the second floor and people would ask "how'd you get up there" and they'd be like "i don't know"
@PYWL: I just saw a video of a snake that learned to open doors. I probably don't need to sleep anymore anyway.
@WittySassBasket: Cop: raise your hands Me: ok, but if you looked down you'd see the same thing C: ma'am? M: they're right there C: how high are you? M: yes