People fear what they don’t understand:
4th grade math word problems
When u drop an ice cube on the floor u have only 2 options:
1. kick it under the fridge
2. pick it up & throw it at the sink missing wildly
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they say you swallow 8 spiders each year, but what they don’t tell you is that it hits harder if you crush and then snort them
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Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.
Dear parents who line up 45 minutes early in the school pick-up line,
I don’t understand.
Ur hot plz marry me.
OH MY GOSH SORRY FOR THE POCKET TEXT LMAO
My dad will walk across the living room with a bowl of soup to the brim, shoelaces untied, because history has taught him nothing.
Not one parenting book or website prepared me for how many times I would accidentally bump my baby’s head on a door frame.
This guy’s shirt said ‘blink if you want me’ and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM
Autoerotic asphyxiation? No thanks, I’m not much of a car guy.