@gobmentcheese: When walking off an elevator, I like to turn around & say, "this is the part in our adventure where I must leave you now."
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: If you are stressed and it’s making me stressed, then your desserts are also my desserts. That’s science. Now be quiet and hand me a spoon.
@fro_vo: Wife: he has no sense of adventure. he even refuses to ride a roller coaster Therapist: go on Me: oh so you're taking her side now
@stevevsninjas: shot through the heart and you're to blame tetanus shots should go in the shoulder this is grounds for a malpractice suit
@psybermonkey: Me: I want you to have this bracelet. it belonged to my grandmother. Her: why does it say "do not resuscitate"