*Game Character Treatment Center*
Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you’re here
Pac-Man: Binge eating
Lara Croft: Kleptomania
Ryu: *crying* I can’t stop fighting streets
When you are incorrectly taken for someone else: Mistaken identity
When there’s a spelling error in your ID card: Mistake in identity
When an unmarried woman steals your identity: Miss taking identity
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If you skip down the street in your thirties, people leave you alone.
ME EVREY MORNIG: nonono no noNO no NONO NO!!!
ME EVREY NIGHT: u know wat wil make my morning amazing?! setting my favorite song as my alarm
An example of men’s inability to understand women – Me: I have Nothing To Wear!! Him: Awesome!
Autocorrect just turned “stepdaughter” into “lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider”
Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
If we get pulled over this beer is yours.
I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you’re going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over.
-me, right now
alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, “why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?”