@jaboukie IF YOURE UNDER 18 DO NOT READ THIS
fellow grown folks. isn’t oatmeal delicious
@Laser_Cat When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.
When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.
- @Laser_Cat
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@jaboukie 
@TravLeBlanc No one is born racist. Racism is taught. By other races.
@iGreenMonk Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl’s drink, that would make her do my taxes.
@jwoodham DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C’mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
@KentWGraham When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.
@Nikkeya08 Me:*looks up from phone*
Okay, it was Mr. Plum in the ballroom with the wrench.Family:
M:
Mom: We stopped playing that game 5 hours ago.
@WhaJoTalkinBout cashier: paper or plastic
me: it’s a debit card
cashier: no for your milk
me: oh haha liquid’s fine
@OctopusCaveman Doctor: I got your test results back from the lab and I have some bad news
Me: oh no
Doctor: by the time I got them back he had chewed them up pretty bad
@SuperShourds I didn’t have a headache until you pulled your pants down.
@matt___nelson [start of interview]
Me: hi sir nice to meet you *i go to shake is hand but spill his coffee everywhere*
Interviewer: …welcome to BP