@gtfml: When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
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@ArfMeasures: PET SHOP OWNER: So would u like a puppy for your son? ME: Yes [home] WIFE: Where's Tommy? ME [with a puppy] ok so they offered me this deal
@mommajessiec: Before you spend $200 on birthday party entertainment for your child, I sprayed my son and his friends for 45 minutes with the hose. Rave reviews.
@KateWhineHall: I cleaned off the top of my desk so I'd feel like I accomplished something. Now I just have to clean up the floor where I threw everything.
@daemonic3: [on date] "I think we should take this a step farther" Actually, farther implies distance, while further is figurati- *date already left*