@markleggett: "When you wish upon a star, it takes trillions of years for the wish to get there, and by that stage you're dead." - Neil deGrasse Tyson.
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@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: Would you like a donut? ME: *takes three* I: Um, ok, what's your greatest strength? ME: [grabbing two more donuts] Self-control
@rynchantress: Computer: Hey can I restart for updates? Me: No, I'm busy. Computer: Hey it's tomorrow can I restart for updates? Me: No (A week of this later) Computer: Hey can I restart for updates? Me: FINE JUST RESTART HURRY UP Computer: Haha jk I haven't downloaded them yet :D
@DirtMcTurd: If you give me a hard time about being out of shape I will bury you in a shallow grave. A very, very, shallow grave