@BoomBoomBetty: When your spouse comes to you excited about a toilet seat, it’s best to remind yourself this person will most likely decide when to pull your life support plug someday so you get excited with them about that toilet seat.
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@mollzbenn: Crazy how some people consider swimming to be a sport when the only alternative to it is drowning.
@NotJPo: Give a woman a compliment and you'll eat for a day. Force a woman to fish for compliments and she'll feed someone else.
@RadWizzy: (at the doctor) Can u cough for me? *coughs* Can u exhale for me? *exhales* Can u make kissy noises? *kissy noises* Can you beatbox at my wedding? the dj backed out.