When you’re a kid and you have an accident you pee your pants. When you’re an adult and you have an accident you have a kid.

You Might Also Like


Sarah Palin isn’t racist. Some of her white friends’ best white friends have white friends who vaguely know someone who is black.


Hate when Walmart doesn’t have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & brush my hair so I can go to Target


People who say they are “comfortable in their own skin,” scare me because I wonder how they know what it’s like to wear someone else’s skin


My kid wants to be a surgeon, caught her practicing on mummy. I was a bit concerned when she finished the operation and said “and now we’ll cut off another toe, for fun!” but they’ll work that out at medical school right?


Uh oh I opened a package of cookies without washing my hands first and for my family’s safety will have to eat the whole thing


Her: Let’s go see 50 Shades of Grey

Me: Tonight?

Her: Yes

[After the movie]

Her: OMG that was so hot!

Me: Mom, please just stop talking


Who knew opening this jar marked DANGER: Baby Spiders DO NOT OPEN would turn into such a can of worms


Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s PR team have moved quickly to get ahead of the situation


HR: Know why we called you down?

Me: Hmm…my trench coat?

HR: Try again.

Me: Because I’m naked under my trench coat?