When you’re alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what’s up.
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“Kids are disgusting”, I say as I blow my nose in a hanky that hasn’t been washed in 42 years.
My Wife: Why are you home so early?
Me: My boss told me to go to hell
Call me faithless, but I just can’t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I RT you, you ignore me
I fav you, you ignore me
I ignore you, you ignore me
This seems to be working out well for us
I think this lady I’m stalking just found out. She changed her wifi name to:
“Hey you in the tree. I’ve called the cops.”
I find your Winter Solstice greetings offensive and presumptuous. Some of us don’t believe in winter.
My 20 y.o. son: Mom, if you were in Star Wars, do you think you’d be on the light side or the dark side?
Me: I’d probably be the mom whose son abandoned her to stay a slave on a desert planet after he won a flying car race.
STEPS TO FOLD A FITTED SHEET
1) PUT SHEET ON BED
2) FOLD BED
often like herding cats
Some days, like herding feral cats