People always ask us if Die Hard is a Christmas movie and our answer is always the same: Please just rent something.
You Might Also Like
Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them.
Her: My God…yours is huge!
Me: It’s the biggest gift card Sizzler sells, baby.
If by “flexible” you mean “can I get my foot behind my head?” then yes, I am.
If you mean “can I get my foot back down?” then no, I am not.
BARISTA: I have a latte ready for “Give me all your money?”
ROBBER: Oh goodness, this is so embarrassing, I see there’s been some confusion
Him: this isn’t working out
Me: *sitting under the squat rack eating a donut* yes, I’m aware
Me: Your baby looks funny.
Her: That’s my dog.
M: Yeah.. uh huh.
M: I’d tell everyone it was my dog too if my baby looked like that.
If you eat a pregnant girls food, you’re required to have the baby for her
Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat’s medication.
HER: but you can’t leave me – I’m carrying your baby!
HIM: actually, that’s how babysitting works. I’ll be home in 2 or 3 hours