Whenever I draw or paint anything I say look what my kids did when they were toddlers

You Might Also Like


The gardener at my work put beer in the garden to catch slugs


*Pouring nacho cheese over my bowl of cornflakes* No, I wouldn’t say I’ve let quarantine life change me.


imagining an 18 year old X Æ A-12 trying to think of an online password but just using his name


physically I’m in this realm but spiritually I’m running through halls in a silk robe wondering where to hide my rich dead husband


My dog stepped in the pumpkin pie. I’m serving it anyway.


Why would I ruin perfectly good cup of coffee by having a date during it?


[punches shark on the nose]
Shark: that wont stop me
Me: are you crying
Shark: no it’s always wet & salty on my face, I’m fine


[magicians backstage] don’t panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half


“If you love something, set it free…”

Unless it’s a man…

Cause he’ll get lost…

And you know he won’t ask for directions…


My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say ‘It’s so cold out!’ and I say ‘It’s winter’ and then we silently hate each other.