@dannyboy7813: Whenever I draw or paint anything I say look what my kids did when they were toddlers
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@Barknado69: Friend: just make small talk *later, on date* Me: so...grains of sand Her: uh yea- Me: dwarves Her: are u okay- Me: bottle caps
@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.
@randygdub: trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there's no one left to run GS and they go out of business