@LizHackett: Whenever I see a family and one child is trudging slightly behind everyone and crying, I want to lean in and whisper, "Someday you will write jokes."
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@AdamBroud: Moses: And number 7 is thou shalt not steal Ol' lying, thieving, murdering Dave who hates his parents: This is starting to feel personal
@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."
@3sunzzz: I love spending 20 mins wrapping cocktail weiners in croissant dough so the 3yo at the party can take off the 'crust' and eat just the 'hotdog'.
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a hairdresser] ME: What do u think of your haircut HER: I need more volume ME [leans in too close] WHAT DO U THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT