@DothTheDoth

Whenever I’m feeling stressed I like to take a deep breath & think about every mistake I have ever made.

You Might Also Like

@mstluvstrinkets

You Shook Me All Night Long is a great song that also describes what I do to my husband when he’s snoring.

@Cheeseboy22

I forget ONE TIME and my wife changes all my passwords and sets the security question to: “When is your anniversary?”

@peytnhaag

my roommate broke up with his girlfriend last night at a fancy restaurant and she started bawling…. everyone thought he proposed to her and started clapping.

@hipstermermaid

I got 99 problems and they’re all friend requests from people I didn’t like in high school.

@BradBroaddus

My wife just opened my car door for me.

Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph.

@CelebrityChez

I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.

@PrettyInCamo11

You know it’s time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one

@AngryBlackLady

Kylie Jenner is having a Handmaids Tale themed birthday party and Justin Bieber wants to fight Tom Cruise and boy howdy is that meteor late