@samlymatters: Whenever my friends make drunk plans for brunch, I always feel like a shark tank judge. I’m like “You have no real plan, I’ve seen this idea fall apart before, and I know for a fact that you don’t have the money. For these reasons, I am out.”
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@funnyoneliners: I want my children to be independent headstrong people. Just not while I'm raising them.
@HousewifeOfHell: I swear, my kids will make me drive them to my own funeral. And then to the mall.
@ShawnIzadi: Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.