“Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?” -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead
Which candidate will get rid of these damn fruit flies
You Might Also Like
Perks of dating me: You will be the hot one
Apparently ‘Cuz the floor is lava!’ isn’t a good enough excuse for me to not fold laundry
My 4-year-old was crying when his favorite pair of pants no longer fit him and I was like, “Dude, I get it. I totally get it.”
Don’t forget if you’re a member of the Tautology Society, we’ve got our annual AGM meeting tonight.
I can’t wait til there’s a chalk outline filter
If you’ve committed to pulling a door handle that says push in front of people you have to rip the handle off. You can’t let a door own you.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
*reading note from son:
‘Can I borrow your car later?’
‘You spelled ‘wash’ wrong. But yes.’