I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great
While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?
You Might Also Like
my daughter: dad I want you to meet my new boyfriend
me, modern and woke: okay great
my daughter: he’s a bee
me: *clenching my jaw* okay great
It was probably the machine that kept the world from turning to shit.
*opens new beer
*finds old beer
*drinks 2 beers
There are 4 stages in life
1)You believe in Santa Claus
2)You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3)You are Santa Claus
4)You look like Santa Claus
Him: Hurt me
Me: Your brother is hotter than you
Me: Not a big fan of the new haircut either
occupation: the family disappointment
*Calls timeout during street fight to tie shoelaces*
Shipwreck survivors on an island
S1: We told you to spell ‘SOS’ with those coconuts!
S2: I know but I want our rescuers to know I’m a vegan.
A Christian telling an atheist he is going to Hell is about as scary as a small child telling an adult they wont get any presents from Santa