Personal trainer said we’re going to try some dips today.
I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.
While editing, I was trying to write: “maybe this should be in bold, for emphasis”, and instead wrote “in blood”. Still works!
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qo? ?uo p?? no?
I don’t go out very much because I’m broke, but oh boy, once I’m rich, I’m gonna have to come up with another excuse.
The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don’t have the remote.
WELCOME TO GYM.
[5gp] WOOD MUSCLE //
[10gp] LEATHER MUSCLE //
[50gp] IRON MUSCLE //
[100gp] WISTFUL MUSCLE //
[999gp] DESOLATION MUSCLE
4-year-old: what do you want ?
4: we don’t have pizza
me: what do you have?
me: I’ll have nothing
4: we don’t have that
me: *throws table* this is bullshit!
MUGGER: *exasperated* Look dude. I’m NOT mad at you. I JUST want your money and your watch. That’s it. We’re totally okay, I promise.
ME: *wiping snot from my nose* …okay, do you promise you aren’t mad though
The cookie jar oinks when I open it, so don’t ever question my dedication to these hips.
If a bear attacks me, I’m staying put. The only thing worse than getting attacked by a bear, is getting attacked by a bear while running.
Judge: Did you commit murder?
Me: I’m a man. I’m afraid of commitment.