@MouthOfSass

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, auto flush toilet, I kinda wanted to see that.

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@BuckyIsotope

STEVE MILLER: some people call me the space cowboy
ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it

@li4mst3w4rt

my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook…

@riscfuture

Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”

@causticbob

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don’t know what either of those things are.

@tsunami__7

Worst part about going to work this morning was the look on my dog’s face that said “sucks for you, I’m going back to sleep”.

@behindyourback

Twitter’s fun because everyone’s really cynical and snide about everything except *checks hand* … wrestling? that can’t be right

@WhaJoTalkinBout

waiter: do you need a minute to look over the menu?
me, researched it online: yes please

@AndreyasAsylum

I switched to watching horror movies, because literally anything is less scary.