While I appreciate your enthusiasm, auto flush toilet, I kinda wanted to see that.

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STEVE MILLER: some people call me the space cowboy
ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it


my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook…


Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”


Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don’t know what either of those things are.


Worst part about going to work this morning was the look on my dog’s face that said “sucks for you, I’m going back to sleep”.


Twitter’s fun because everyone’s really cynical and snide about everything except *checks hand* … wrestling? that can’t be right


waiter: do you need a minute to look over the menu?
me, researched it online: yes please


I switched to watching horror movies, because literally anything is less scary.