@momjeansplease: While taking a nap with my daughter, my 4 year old son creeps into my bed, fiddles with my bra hooks for 5 minutes, then gives up and passes out snoring next to me. No need for a paternity test, he’s definitely my husband’s son.
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@Jarhead44: If you ever wondered how long it takes for an over-heated microwave burrito to cool off, the answer is 37 days.
@Zhanny001: @funTweeters I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers
@novicefather: I found three french fries inside my $1 McDouble. Dream big, kids. Anything is possible.
@TheAndrewNadeau: KID: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? ENDANGERED NORTHERN SPOTTED OWL: You cannot possibly think this is a priority for me.