I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I’ve never been there
[whispering to coworker who liked my status about having to put my dog down but never commented] so you like dead dogs do ya meghan?
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Avoid being invited back to a party by showing up with a 25-gallon jug of lube and a box of rubber gloves.
How did that guy know he went through the desert on a horse with no name? Did he try asking the horse? Was he aware that it was probably his job to assign a name if there was not already one in place? A lot of things don’t add up here.
I thought Snapchat was just a conversation with a sassy black woman.
If a dude is wearing cowboy clothes, is he ranch dressing?
Tomorrow is the 4th of July which means one thing, it’s going to be a really big day for nail art Instagram photos.
I haven’t received any good news lately. I’m starting to think that 5th grade fortune teller at my nephew’s fall festival may have been a fraud.
Feet is the plural of Foot
Geese is the plural of Goose
So by extension, stop calling it Jeep, it is only one Joop
Just when I think I’m 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.