@murrman5

[whispering to coworker who liked my status about having to put my dog down but never commented] so you like dead dogs do ya meghan?

You Might Also Like

@CakeThrottle

I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I’ve never been there

@sixfootcandy

Avoid being invited back to a party by showing up with a 25-gallon jug of lube and a box of rubber gloves.

@elle91

How did that guy know he went through the desert on a horse with no name? Did he try asking the horse? Was he aware that it was probably his job to assign a name if there was not already one in place? A lot of things don’t add up here.

@iAmDelFreaky

I thought Snapchat was just a conversation with a sassy black woman.

@NYC_Blonde

Tomorrow is the 4th of July which means one thing, it’s going to be a really big day for nail art Instagram photos.

@Darlainky

I haven’t received any good news lately. I’m starting to think that 5th grade fortune teller at my nephew’s fall festival may have been a fraud.

@umer_0000

Feet is the plural of Foot
Geese is the plural of Goose

So by extension, stop calling it Jeep, it is only one Joop

@lawyerthoughts

Just when I think I’m 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.