I’ve always wanted a monkey, so I bought one at auction today.
I’ve had him about an hour now.
Anyway….. Monkey for Sale.
Husband: There’s blood in the entry way. What happened?
Me: I’m decorating for Halloween.
Husband: But It’s real blood.
Me: *continues whistling*
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The dog almost ate the bird tonight.
It was like a Dateline episode.
“He kept to himself, but on the evening of June 6, he snapped.”
Green beans are also called string beans so string theory is now green theory. I don’t make the rules or follow them!
*Wife walks in, the house is trashed*
“OMG..we’ve been burgled”
*I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear*
HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?
[Stranded after plane crash]
ME: We need to choose which one of us to eat first
GUY: But why, pacifically?
ME: Ok I’ve made my choice
FYI: I guess the goal of bobbing for apples is not who can drink all the water.
Mom used to say the only accessory a fashionable girl needs is a virtuous reputation. But it’s bracelets.
“asparagai” is what i call multiple asparagus, but don’t take my word for it. get your own word for multiple asparagus
[alarm clock goes off]
ok it’s happening again
it’s a day and it’s here again
day again why
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