I’m just a regular guy going for a regular jog with a regular plasma TV being chased by the regular police.
Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS?
*Biden excitedly raises hand*
Besides assembling the Avengers.
*Biden dejectedly lowers hand*
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Does anyone else find it ironic when a celebrity with a face full of Botox talks about having the freedom of expression?
Listen up, guys
Neil Diamond is the name of a famous American singer-songwriter but it’s also a checklist for anyone about to propose
I took the PBJ out a couple of times, but things got stale, my relationship with the milk soured quickly, and I wouldn’t really call what that bagel and I did “dating”.
*Leaves home for the day…
*Fears I left something behind
*Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone.
*Grabs phone & leaves.
The orthodontist says I’m doing a “super job” wearing my retainers. All this really means is that I’m able to put things in my mouth.
9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn’t wanna talk about it right now.
I wrote a screenplay
-No you didn’t
About our Savior
Opening Judea’s best ice cream shop
It’s Jesus Christ, Scooper Star
When the wife says, “Would you rather spend time with your imaginary friends than with me?” “Yeah, kind of.” Is not the right answer.