@LenaTina99

White parent Vs Arab parents

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@HrBry

“This is BULLSHIT” – enthusiastic manure salesman

@slimpickins_

The problem with studying ancient Chinese art is I want some Mexican art a half an hour later.

@WhaJoTalkinBout

me: *keeps bumping the back of my hand against his trying to get him to hold mine*

death: quit it

@Seinfeld2000

GERG: She licked ur donut?

JERY: Shes a DONUT LICKER!

GERG: gross!

JERY: she also said she “hates america”

GERG: Donut licking traitor!

@Carbosly

Me: *buying one beer, one carrot, one potatoe & one steak*

Cashier: you must be single?

Me: yes, lol. How did you know?

Cashier: you’re ugly.

@better_off_dad

I could tell by her screams this was not the kind of friendship that included showers.

@FuckabillyRex

If you’re the kinda person that gets antsy when people stand on an escalator instead of walking, try a blood curdling scream, they’ll move.

@DrakeGatsby

Host: Congratulations! You won the hot dog eating contest!

Me: *mouth full, sitting off to the side of the stage* The what?