@chuuew

Who called it a hive for bees to live and not a site to beehold?

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@_LittleMsBossy_

Apparently saying ‘exist over there’ while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings.

@ThugRaccoons

Me: Could you tell me where the fitness center is located?

Flight attendant: Please return to your seat.

@markedly

PERSON: I’m exhausted!

ME: Me too! What’d you do?

PERSON: Ran a half-marathon and helped my pal move. You?

ME: I talked to like 4 people.

@MelvinofYork

The word “hello” only became common in 1827 and I like to imagine a glorious era before that when everyone just ignored each other

@SkippyMcGizzard

*my cat meowing at my bedroom door for me to open it*

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

ME: *opens door*
You wanna come in?

CAT: lol, no

@JP_theAntiHero

Sometimes I think you have good taste in clothing as I try on your sundress.
Other times I think you need a better home security system

@veggiefemme

My mom doesn’t understand that powdered donuts are eaten over cd cases while in cars, and my friends love donuts, and that’s why. (Not blow)

@biorhythmist

“What’s up?” asked the guy with literally no sense of direction.

@bjaynash

The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.

@dreamthievin

You: make yourself at home

Me: *throws all the broccoli in the trash*