Who called it a pillow fight and not assault with a bedly weapon?

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I don’t like dictatorships. All dictators should be shot, and if anybody disagrees with me, they should be shot as well.


this is anya, she’s better at jenga than i could ever hope to be
(anyathegsd IG)


A child is being pushed around in a pink toy convertible while eating a chocolate frosted donut, and I want to ask her how she got this job.


me: son, you’re adopted
son: WHAT
me: no no it’s a good thing, it means we actually wanted you
daughter: WHAT


Bond: “Bond, James Bond”
Moneypenny: “Moneypenny, Miss Moneypenny”
Q: [looking dejected] “Q, just Q, Q”


extremely rude of the target self-checkout camera to show me exactly what i look like


CNN: do u want notifications for breaking news

Me: for really important stuff i guess

CNN: an Iowa woman just ate 37 McRibs

Me: i said impor-

CNN: using chopsticks

Me: she did what


I want to buy a Prius because I plan on driving off of a cliff & I don’t want to make too big of an explosion & kill squirrels or turtles