@kimlockhartga

Who decided that we have to get stuff done every day?

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@alienated

PSA for librarians: occasionally check how the World Book encyclopedia is arranged on your shelves

@DirtMcTurd

Just ate the last slice of pizza and I wish there was more. Suddenly all of Taylor Swifts songs make sense to me.

@zachreinert03

As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment

@LlamaInaTux

Guy who invented the piano: 200 hundred years from now it may need tuning but it will be sturdy. So sturdy.

His friend, who invented piano benches: the legs are designed for maximum wobble

@drborishabit

when someone is like “you’re a digital artist right? could you make me a logo?” and you’re like “no I’m not a graphic designer” and they’re like “I’ll give you $400” and you’re like “okay fine I’m a graphic designer but just for tonight”

@starwuxian

pacific rim takes place in 2020 and the kaiju haven’t emerged yet. but seeing how this year is going, we should be prepared.

@Darlainky

Hoping for an even stronger cup of coffee, I just replaced the water in my coffee maker with coffee. Now we wait.

@DaHess1

Anytime I see a happy white couple in their 30’s sitting in front of a laptop, I just assume they are filming a credit score commercial.

@bazecraze

Neil Patrick Harris couldn’t host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys