@JimmerThatisAll This day in history. 1963. The Beach Boys released “Be True to Your School” but I wasn’t taking orders from 5 guys who shared 1 surfboard.
@FlipPrincesss Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?
I want that job. I could really screw with some people.
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@JimmerThatisAll 
@iGreenMonk Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
@EndhooS Kid 1: Why’d u call me Aphrodite?
Me: After the Greek goddess of love
Kid 2: What about me?
Me: Well Alvin, ur named after a famous chipmunk
@Fred_Delicious Mark Zuckerberg came up with the idea for Facebook when he was at a party & a racist uncle wrote a bible quote on a painting then poked him
@kelly__le If the Amish don’t use curse words, how does Amish Tourette’s sound?
“Beards!”
“Churning Butter!”
“Bonnets!”
@TheToddWilliams If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.
@NickSwardson I’m behind 38 episodes of Game of Thrones. I’ll just jump in the new season and piece it all together. Should be fine.
@peeanofreek 
@ElizaBayne Kesha dropping the $ sign from her name just shows how bad the economy really is
@JimmerThatisAll This day in history. 1940. Carbon-14 was discovered, allowing us to estimate the age of organic materials such as wood, leather, and Cher.