@FlipPrincesss

Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

You Might Also Like

@JimmerThatisAll

This day in history. 1963. The Beach Boys released “Be True to Your School” but I wasn’t taking orders from 5 guys who shared 1 surfboard.

@iGreenMonk

Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.

@EndhooS

Kid 1: Why’d u call me Aphrodite?
Me: After the Greek goddess of love
Kid 2: What about me?
Me: Well Alvin, ur named after a famous chipmunk

@Fred_Delicious

Mark Zuckerberg came up with the idea for Facebook when he was at a party & a racist uncle wrote a bible quote on a painting then poked him

@kelly__le

If the Amish don’t use curse words, how does Amish Tourette’s sound?

“Beards!”
“Churning Butter!”
“Bonnets!”

@NickSwardson

I’m behind 38 episodes of Game of Thrones. I’ll just jump in the new season and piece it all together. Should be fine.

@ElizaBayne

Kesha dropping the $ sign from her name just shows how bad the economy really is

@JimmerThatisAll

This day in history. 1940. Carbon-14 was discovered, allowing us to estimate the age of organic materials such as wood, leather, and Cher.