This is the first meme I’ve ever shared but it’s a day of firsts so…
Who needs a bull in a china shop when you have a 2-year-old contemplating Grandma’s figurine collection?
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I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I’ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
We need a Disney princess who is great at basketball and also a golden retriever
Call me faithless, but I just can’t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
therapist: u suffer from social isolation
me: oh no
therapist: you just need to talk to people
me: OH NO
Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you’re outside and they walk by.
The dude who designed almond-milk cartons to look exactly like chicken-broth cartons should have to drink the coffee I just made.
me: i think my gf is mad at me
friend: yeah dude i saw her making out with some guy in the kitchen
me: did she look mad?
RUN FOREST!!! RUN!!! But the trees just stood there. Frozen with fear. In the end, the flames consumed them all.