@Peauxtassium
@ScottLinnen
Airport moving sidewalks are great for when you only want to feel like George Jetson for 10 seconds before you’re back to Fred Flintstone.
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@ScottLinnen
@AimeeHelene1
(Ordering at restaurant)
Yes….hmmm….
I’ll take…
Page 4
@captainkalvis
[hits blunt]
how come i dont pee bubbles when i drink Sprite
[hits it again]
ah guess its ok, wouldn’t want a tingly dingus
@818Newbie
All mushrooms are edible.
Some only once.
@that1bish27
I’m eating this banana sideways so my husband doesn’t get the wrong idea.
@Livsey1
If Private Ryan was Black…it would be called..”Sorry for your loss Mrs.Ryan.”
@rons_post
*opens instagram*
yep, everyone’s life is still better than mine
*closes instagram*
*opens twitter*
ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
@LeonEarlgrey
Cop1:did u hear about the kidnapping?
Cop2: should we go help?
Cop1: No it’s ok he woke up.
This fall on CBS
“Good Cop, Dad Cop”
@CrackYouWhip
I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.