simba: lot of dead dads out today
Who says Republicans aren’t into recycling?
Mitt Romney’s thinking of running for President, again.
You Might Also Like
I won’t be in today
[camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car]
I’ve got the shits.
Fact: A good beer will not lose its label after sitting in a cooler of ice water all week.
Related: Why is there still beer in the cooler??
Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying “you never called! Our son is 5 now” then walk away….always brightens my day
Just updated My Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Trinity”. #wayoverdue
He always wanted a surprise gift wrapped up in a big red bow.
*carefully arranges shiny red ribbon around a wriggling porcupine*
[Enters baby room late at night]
[baby’s got a raccoon in a headlock]
DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY
Me: Sound the drums of war!!
My kids: *rhythmically drumming their stomachs*
*we enter the buffet*
*runs into restaurant*
IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?
“I’m a doctor”
Nice. Nice. Can you buy me dinner I’m very poor
Why do people assume I know all about computers just because I’m from India? That makes so I angry I just want to 01010010101010101010101