You Might Also Like

@ojedge

Lambs: “BAAAAAAAAA!!!”

Hannibal Lecter: “Shhhhhh!”

Lambs: “Baaaa!”

Hannibal Lecter: “Shhhh…”

Lambs: “…”

Hannibal Lecter: “Much better.”

@juanadog

She has a weimerhi…wimerrihym….wimmerhie…
She has a big gray dog.

@SergioValenCo

I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don’t like her new haircut.

@BrownBoxers

No cop can catch a kid on a 10 speed.

-every 80s movie with cops chasing kids on 10 speeds.

@Lxnndo

divorced parents be meeting at store parking lots exchanging they kids like it’s a drug deal. 😭

@eXentRic_

Holy Communion:
PRIEST:”This is the body of Christ. Take it ”
ME:”Uum,can I instagram it first?”
*We laughed & then I was excommunicated*

@RedRegenerated

ME: Doctor, doctor. I think I’m a pair of curtains.

DOC: Pull yourself together!

*both laughing*

DOC: But seriously, I’m gonna refer you to a therapist cos that shit ain’t right.

@mrtruthandsoul

The best thing about sitting next to the white guy with dreads on the bus is no one thinks you’re the one that farted

@sarcasm_inc

Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.