“Whoa nice car”

Thanks. I dropped 40K on a new set of wheels

[whispers to friend] “What kind of idiot spends $40,000 on tires”

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*buys soap on a rope

Cashier: Paper or plastic?

Me: Neither.. I’ll wear it out thanks


Even though she’s not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.


You’re telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee…

They don’t put any booze in it or nothin?


Man goes to a Doctor.

“Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts”

“Does it burn?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried to set fire to it”


Sure a sense of humor is important but marry you somebody who knows plumbing bc that’s forever.


Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don’t have a moon where I live.