@Book_Krazy

“Whoa nice car”

Thanks. I dropped 40K on a new set of wheels

[whispers to friend] “What kind of idiot spends $40,000 on tires”

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@ThaJawn

*buys soap on a rope

Cashier: Paper or plastic?

Me: Neither.. I’ll wear it out thanks

@knot_eye

Even though she’s not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.

@Duke1173

You’re telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee…

They don’t put any booze in it or nothin?

@hythemafia

Man goes to a Doctor.

“Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts”

“Does it burn?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried to set fire to it”

@AnniemuMary

Sure a sense of humor is important but marry you somebody who knows plumbing bc that’s forever.

@SCbchbum

Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don’t have a moon where I live.