Is snapping not cool anymore? Figures. I just mastered the Macarena last month too.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you please move it out of the laundry room? I’ve had enough.
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I’m happiest when people tell me “Don’t be a hero” because there’s absolutely no way I’m going to disappoint them.
medium: so you want to contact your wife
wife: *muffled* open the door
me: sometimes I can still hear her voice
wife: *through the window* I forgot my keys
me: it’s like she’s here watching over me
I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to help me put a bunch of ducks in my car.
Based on 2020 thus far, I’m expecting the flying monkeys of Oz to show up any time now.
Star Wars spoiler: Ross and Rachel end up together in the end.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that if two people are at Home Depot one of them is pissed about it.
“murder” she wrote
“your password must contain at least one number and one upper case letter” the screen said
“murd3R” she wrote, frowning
How does Super Mario contact his dead brother?
Using a Luigi board!