Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.

You Might Also Like


Trying to motivate myself to go for a run, but it’s windy outside.

And outside.


My spirit animal is a dolphin because I use sonar to make sure I’m peeing in the toilet every night.


“It’s Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve.” -confused homophobe


I just accidentally said “I love you” when hanging up with the auto shop guy, so I’m just going to leave my car there and buy a new one


me: dinosaurs can’t jump

her: how do u know

me: they’re dead Linda


Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom?

Can I freeze my two year old until I’m ready?


I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.


*approaches drive-thru window on a camel*
“Sir, here’s your 17 big macs and a large milkshake.”
May I please have a straw?
*camel collapses*


I think my dog goes out at night to drink with her doggie friends. At least she can’t drive because that would be ridiculous.